One old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train.
Train is about to leave the station.
All passengers are settling down their seat.
As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and curiosity.
He was sitting on the window side.
He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He shouted, “Papa see all trees are going behind”.
Old man smile and admired son feelings.
Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all the conversion between father and son.
They were little awkward with the attitude of 25 years old man behaving like a small child.
Suddenly young man again shouted, “Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are moving with train”.
Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly.
Now its start raining and some of water drops touches the young man’s hand.
He filled with joy and he closed the eyes.
He shouted again,” Papa it’s raining, water is touching me, see papa”.
Couple couldn’t help themselves and ask the old man. “Why don’t you visit the Doctor and get treatment for your son.”
Old man said, “Yes, We are coming from the hospital as Today only my son got his eye sight for first time in his life”.
Moral: “Don’t draw conclusions until you know all the facts”.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Before and after marriage..cute
Before marriage.....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to the top.
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to the top.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Short notes on Mother.........Too Gud
When I came drenched in the rain,
My brother told why don’t you take an umbrella with you.
My sister said why not you waited till it stopped.
My Dad angrily said only after getting cold, you will realize.
But my MOTHER,
as she was drying my hair with her saree,
was shouting
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not at me But at the RAIN
My brother told why don’t you take an umbrella with you.
My sister said why not you waited till it stopped.
My Dad angrily said only after getting cold, you will realize.
But my MOTHER,
as she was drying my hair with her saree,
was shouting
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not at me But at the RAIN
Mind Your Language
There were 4 guys John, Franky, Manav and Ashley who found a small bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that they had released him , the genie said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become and then your wish will come true."
John ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "Wine". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. John was ecstatic. Next came Franky. He did the same and shouted, "Vodka" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. Manav jumped and shouted, "Beer". The last of them was Ashley.
He was running towards the pool when suddenly he stepped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "Shit!!!!!!!........."
Moral of the story : Mind your language; you never know what it will land you in.
Thankful that they had released him , the genie said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become and then your wish will come true."
John ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "Wine". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. John was ecstatic. Next came Franky. He did the same and shouted, "Vodka" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. Manav jumped and shouted, "Beer". The last of them was Ashley.
He was running towards the pool when suddenly he stepped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "Shit!!!!!!!........."
Moral of the story : Mind your language; you never know what it will land you in.
Confessions.aaaah
Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins.
When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the priest, "Father, I am sinful."
"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."
"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her."
"That's bad my boy. Fortunately, you realize your mistake."
"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues. So, I slept with her too."
"That's not very good of you."
"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."
"Father?.... ..... Father?"
Suddenly, this guy realized that there was no response from the Father. He walked over and discovered that the priest was not there. So, he began searching for him. "Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."
When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the priest, "Father, I am sinful."
"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."
"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her."
"That's bad my boy. Fortunately, you realize your mistake."
"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues. So, I slept with her too."
"That's not very good of you."
"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."
"Father?.... ..... Father?"
Suddenly, this guy realized that there was no response from the Father. He walked over and discovered that the priest was not there. So, he began searching for him. "Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."
Old Age Love
An older couple was lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck".
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"TO GET MY TEETH..!!!"
The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck".
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"TO GET MY TEETH..!!!"
Consultant
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.
Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the Shepherd:
“If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”
The shepherd looks at the young man and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: “Okay.”
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables then prints out a 10 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.
He turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”
The shepherd cheers,”That’ s correct, you can have your sheep.”
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks:
“If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”
The young man answers, “Yes, why not”.
The shepherd says, “You are a Management Consultant
From a top-notch consultancy like ———.
“How did you know?” asks the surprised young man.
“Very simple,” answers the shepherd.
“First, you came here without being called.
Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew,
And third, you don’t understand anything about my business…
Now can I have my DOG back?”
Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the Shepherd:
“If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”
The shepherd looks at the young man and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: “Okay.”
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables then prints out a 10 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.
He turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”
The shepherd cheers,”That’ s correct, you can have your sheep.”
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks:
“If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”
The young man answers, “Yes, why not”.
The shepherd says, “You are a Management Consultant
From a top-notch consultancy like ———.
“How did you know?” asks the surprised young man.
“Very simple,” answers the shepherd.
“First, you came here without being called.
Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew,
And third, you don’t understand anything about my business…
Now can I have my DOG back?”
Attitude is Everything
An old man lived alone in Minnesota.He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son,who would have helped him, was in prison.The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:
Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to misdoing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.If you were here, all my troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot, for me if you weren’t in the prison.
Love,
Dad
Shortly,the old man received this telegram:
“For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden !!That’s where I buried the GUNS!!”
At 4 a.m.the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused,the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened and asked him what to do next.
His son’s reply was:
“Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad It’s the best I could do for you from here.”
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT,. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE.
His only son,who would have helped him, was in prison.The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:
Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to misdoing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.If you were here, all my troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot, for me if you weren’t in the prison.
Love,
Dad
Shortly,the old man received this telegram:
“For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden !!That’s where I buried the GUNS!!”
At 4 a.m.the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused,the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened and asked him what to do next.
His son’s reply was:
“Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad It’s the best I could do for you from here.”
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT,. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
SALTY COFFEE ..a beautiful love story
He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.. Suddenly he asked the waiter:
"Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.
She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?
He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there".
While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.
That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him!
Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.
I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..
Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".
Her tears made the letter totally wet.
Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.
**********
Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive
Not 2 c but 2 understand
Not 2 hear but 2 listen
Not 2 let go but HOLD ON !!!!
**********
"Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.
She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?
He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there".
While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.
That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him!
Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.
I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..
Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".
Her tears made the letter totally wet.
Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.
**********
Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive
Not 2 c but 2 understand
Not 2 hear but 2 listen
Not 2 let go but HOLD ON !!!!
**********
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Impact of job change
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my 1st day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my 1st day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
What Woman Want ????
If you praise her,
She thinks you are telling lies.
If you don’t,
You are good for nothing.
If she talks,
She wants you to listen.
If you listen,
She wants you to talk.
If you try to touch her,
You are not a gentleman.
If you don’t,
You are not a man.
If you agree to all her likes,
You are a wimp.
If you don’t,
You are not understanding.
So simple yet so complex,
So weird yet so beautiful.
She thinks you are telling lies.
If you don’t,
You are good for nothing.
If she talks,
She wants you to listen.
If you listen,
She wants you to talk.
If you try to touch her,
You are not a gentleman.
If you don’t,
You are not a man.
If you agree to all her likes,
You are a wimp.
If you don’t,
You are not understanding.
So simple yet so complex,
So weird yet so beautiful.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Smart Questions for Smart People
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
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Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!
Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first one, OK??
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Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
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Answer: If you answered that you are last, then you are absolutely wrong! You can’t overtake a last person as he is the last person and nobody is behind him!
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You’re not very good at this, are you?
Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only . Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 . Add another 1000 .. Now add 20 .. Now add another 1000 Now add 10 .. What is the total?
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Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you’ll get the last question right…….Maybe. ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Fourth Question: Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! name of the fifth daughter?
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Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn’t. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!!
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Okay, now the bonus round: You may have seen this before, not sure!!! A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
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He just has to open his mouth and ask… It’s really very simple…. Like you!
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
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Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!
Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first one, OK??
~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
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Answer: If you answered that you are last, then you are absolutely wrong! You can’t overtake a last person as he is the last person and nobody is behind him!
~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
You’re not very good at this, are you?
Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only . Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 . Add another 1000 .. Now add 20 .. Now add another 1000 Now add 10 .. What is the total?
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Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you’ll get the last question right…….Maybe. ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Fourth Question: Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! name of the fifth daughter?
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Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn’t. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!!
~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Okay, now the bonus round: You may have seen this before, not sure!!! A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
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He just has to open his mouth and ask… It’s really very simple…. Like you!
Interesting Facts You Might Be Unaware
1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”
2. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”
3. Almonds are members of the peach family.
4. The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called an octothorpe.
5. The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.
6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
7. The word “set” has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
8. “Underground” is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters “und.”
9. There are only four words in the English language which end in “-dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosis.
11. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
12. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
13. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
14. Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy.
15. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
16. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
17. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, “therein”: the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
18. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
19. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
20. ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.
21. The combination “ough” can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”
22. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
23. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.
24. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
25. The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian phrase “Shah Mat,” which means “the king is dead.”
2. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”
3. Almonds are members of the peach family.
4. The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called an octothorpe.
5. The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.
6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
7. The word “set” has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
8. “Underground” is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters “und.”
9. There are only four words in the English language which end in “-dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosis.
11. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
12. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
13. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
14. Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy.
15. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
16. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
17. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, “therein”: the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
18. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
19. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
20. ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.
21. The combination “ough” can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”
22. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
23. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.
24. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
25. The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian phrase “Shah Mat,” which means “the king is dead.”
Triple Filter Test
One day an acquaintance came to meet Chanakya and said to him excitedly ,” do you know what I just heard about your friend ?”
” Just wait a while”, Chanakya replied.” Before you tell me anything I would like you to go through a little test which I call the triple filter test”.
” What’s that?” asked the acquaintance.
” I will tell you”, Chanakya said.” Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you are going to say. That is why I call it the Triple filter test. The first filter is ‘Truth.’ Are you sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No”, the man said.” Actually, I just heard about it.”
“All right”, said Chanakya.” So you don’t really know if it is true or not. Now lets us try the second Filter, the filter of ‘Goodness’. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”
“No, on the contrary..”
“So”, Chanakya continued,” You wanted to tell me something bad about him but you are not certain it is true. You may still pass the test because there is one filter left; the filter of ‘Usefulness’. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really…”
“Well”, Continued Chanakya,” If you want to tell me what may not be true and is neither good nor useful, why tell it to me at all?”
” Just wait a while”, Chanakya replied.” Before you tell me anything I would like you to go through a little test which I call the triple filter test”.
” What’s that?” asked the acquaintance.
” I will tell you”, Chanakya said.” Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you are going to say. That is why I call it the Triple filter test. The first filter is ‘Truth.’ Are you sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No”, the man said.” Actually, I just heard about it.”
“All right”, said Chanakya.” So you don’t really know if it is true or not. Now lets us try the second Filter, the filter of ‘Goodness’. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”
“No, on the contrary..”
“So”, Chanakya continued,” You wanted to tell me something bad about him but you are not certain it is true. You may still pass the test because there is one filter left; the filter of ‘Usefulness’. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really…”
“Well”, Continued Chanakya,” If you want to tell me what may not be true and is neither good nor useful, why tell it to me at all?”
Living in 2009….Ridiculously True
When these things happen to you..
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when…
1. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
2. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
3 You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when…
1. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
2. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
3 You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
A north Indian Cognizant guy writes about Chennai...dont take serious
First the Complaint
Hi friends,
This is a live update from chennai.
Language - Tamil, tamil and tamil. Even if they know hindi, they dont speak up.
People - We never heard anyone laughing here (I wonder if they ever laugh or shout)
So conservative, that noone talks even in the bus
Food - Idly, sambhar, rice, dosa, vada, pongal
We have to cook our food ourselves (unbelievable naa).
Weather - summer from october to feb and rest of the year it's deadly summer.
Lesiure - TV, dormitery, dirty sea beaches on weekends
Rent - 6.5 K / 1 BHK
Advance - 6 months
Aata - Rs. 26 /kg
Apple - Rs 100 /kg
Orange - Rs. 10/piece
Banana - Rs 3 /piece
Mausmi Juice -Rs 18 /glass
Jeans Dryclean - Rs.40
Phulka - Rs. 8 (idly also Rs.8)
Interesting facts and incidents :
1. Here you cannot buy a needle after 6 PM (strange).
2. We asked an auto driver, "hindi aati hai"?. He replied in hindi "Hindi nahi aati".
3. The most common suffix here is 'a', e.g.
straight - straighta
2 cup tea - 2 cupa tea
4. Even dogs eat curd rice.
5. In north, names are like Gori Shankar, gauri prasad etc. Here the names are like Kaliraj, kalicharan etc.
6. When there is a 't' in any name, they add 'h' to it.
jayant - jayanth
bharat - bharath
7. Here is a culture of adding mystical alphabets after ones's name, like Mahesh R , Sandeep T etc.
7. Cable connection is of no use here as only tamil channels are broadcasted on cable TV, if anyone wanna watch hindi channels then you need to buy a set up box ( Rs.4000).
8. Cognizant navallur office is actually not in chennai, it comes under a district called Chengalpet which is 51 kms from main city.
9. Once we saw a girl in the food court, she was looking and acting like a north indian. My friend became exited and planned to talk to her, but just then we noticed her breakfast and then "dil ke armaan aansuon mein beh gaye", she was having pongal. (disguise!!)
10.How dare anyone come to chennai : Cognizant Chennai MCity comes under SEZ(special economic zone), swap and transfers from here are not possible.
11. No life after 9 PM.
12. No need to worry for Tsunami, because noone will be left to cry on your grave.
Bye Bye (waiting for banglore, pune, hyderabad update)
Life is not about cursing your posting location
but it is about how soon you leave the company
Reply for the complaint...
See i think a few things are pretty true here...But most of it are just mere exaggeration. He has just written all his effusive frustration here..!! I live here in bangalore , and trust me its much more expensive than wht he thinks.. i have lived in Chennai and Bangalore , so i do know the difference between most of the places in South India .. Chennai is supposed to be the second cheapest metropolitan city after Calcutta and any other cities in India ..
Language - Tamil, tamil and tamil. Even if they know hindi, they dont speak up.
For your Kind information, nobody knows Hindi here. Only non-tamilians living in Chennai take Hindi (like me) while most of them take French. And excluding the non-localites, people converse in ENGLISH.
People - We never heard anyone laughing here (I wonder if they ever laugh or shout). So conservative, that noone talks even in the bus.
They are not conservative damn it...ALL INDIANS are like that..!! The same happens in Bangalore , Hyderabad or Pune..U dont strike a coversation with a stranger out of the blue..!!
Food - Idly, sambhar, rice, dosa, vada, pongal. We have to cook our food ourselves (unbelievable naa).
Excuse' Moi ..!! When i went to the north (not specifying which place), me being a south-indian, had a tough time, hunting for some good rice to eat, because all i got was Aloo Paratha, Aloo Gobi, Gobi Manchurian, Aloo Muttor, Aloo Roast etc.. Wonder if they invented Aloo Juice.. Each of them have their own culture for taste and sense..!! So dont blame any place.
Weather - summer from october to feb and rest of the year it's deadly summer.
Damn it, dont tell me you would complain that it dint rain or snow in Sahara when you where there..!! Oh please, for heaven sake, each area has a difference in climate.. India is not small as u get to see in the world map.
Lesiure - TV, dormitery, dirty sea beaches on weekends
Hahahaa....Atleast you get to see a beach buddy..!!
Rent - 6.5 K / 1 BHK
Do you know the size of the rooms?? They would be huge. I pay 7K for a 1BHK, that is just as big as my bathroom in Chennai..!!
Advance - 6 months
Buddy, i pay an adavnce of 11 months.. !! So who is to blame??
Aata - Rs. 26 /kg
Apple - Rs 100 /kg
Orange - Rs. 10/piece
Banana - Rs 3 /piece
Mausmi Juice -Rs 18 /glass
Jeans Dryclean - Rs.40
Phulka - Rs. 8 (idly also Rs.8)
Hahahaaa..!! Pillsbury Aata costs the same all over India dear..!! Sorry these things dont worth an argument..
1. Here you cannot buy a needle after 6 PM (strange)
God give me a break..!!
And here comes my personal favorite..
2. We asked an auto driver, "hindi aati hai"?. He replied in hindi "Hindi nahi aati".
Buddy, thats the only thing they would have learnt in Hindi..!! For heaven sake, stop having false impressions that hindi is our National Language..!! It isnt..i have no time for this argument again..!! I never knew they speak Tamil in Delhi or Bombay ..!! So why Hindi in Chennai..!! Use a more worldy used language, ENGLISH.
3. The most common suffix here is 'a', e.g.
straight - straighta
2 cup tea - 2 cupa tea
Yes, like the way you'll pronunce, thirty (therty as thartty) and fourteen (forteen as farteen)..!! Somebody stop me..!!
4. Even dogs eat curd rice.
Atleast they get to eat something, not starved to death.. and yeah, less stray dogs, that they would be famished and start feeding on children.
5. In north, names are like Gori Shankar, gauri prasad etc. Here the names are like Kaliraj, kalicharan etc.
What else do what us to name?? Elvis Presley or Brad Pitt?? Atleast Elizabeth Hurly or Angelina Jolie never asked you, why your name was Gauri Prasad..!!
6. When there is a 't' in any name, they add 'h' to it.
jayant - jayanth
bharat - bharath
Well, in Hindi you wrtie 'Ta' as t, and in Tamil we write 'Tha' as Th..!! Dont find faults with such silly matters.
8. Here is a culture of adding mystical alphabets after ones's name, like Mahesh R, Sandeep T etc.
Sorry, instead to keeping 'Abhishek Anandkumar Khare' or 'Sunaina Swapan Teja', we just name them as 'Abhishek A.K' and 'Sunaina S.T'
9. Cable connection is of no use here as only tamil channels are broadcasted on cable TV, if anyone wanna watch hindi channels then you need to buy a set up box ( Rs.4000).
Hahaha...You guys where the ones who started making a big fuss about making Hindi Channels as paid Channels...we never wanted to watch Hindi here, so who cares.. Nobody uses STB (Set Top Box), Tamilians watch all south-indian languages for free..!!
10. Cognizant navallur office is actually not in chennai, it comes under a district called Chengalpet which is 51 kms from main city.
Escuse me..!! Hahaha..!! Infosys or any other office in Bangalore , in Electronics City , is actually in Hosur Road ....!! Dont expect Narayan Moorthy to build such a huge campus in the heart of the city..!! Ask questions that make sense..!!
11. Once we saw a girl in the food court, she was looking and acting like a north indian. My friend became exited and planned to talk to her, but just then we noticed her breakfast and then "dil ke armaan aansuon mein beh gaye", she was having pongal. (disguise!!)
I saw a cute south-indian guy...But what??? Ohhh..!! Shucks, he is having Aloo Paratha :'(
12.How dare anyone come to chennai : Cognizant Chennai MCity comes under SEZ(special economic zone), swap and transfers from here are not possible.
Be in Chennai learn something here, so that you could live anywhere in the world and stop making a upheaval with small matters of life.. They sent u here, so that u learn :)
13. No life after 9 PM.
Do u know what life is than just going to Disco's and Pubs?? Partying and Boozing??
14. No need to worry for Tsunami, because none will be left to cry on your grave.
Atleast we wont sit and fight among ourselves, shoot or die cause of bomb blast..Oh Boy, i want to look sweet when i die, dont wanna look like a roasted chicken ;)
No offence meant in this mail.. But just wanted to let you noe that DON'T BELIEVE ALL ARE TRUE.
I live in Bangalore , and I do love this place, and I would love it anywhere I live..!! Learn to adjust, and not to make a big riot over static things in the world..!!
Thanks.. A Universal Citiizen………!
Hi friends,
This is a live update from chennai.
Language - Tamil, tamil and tamil. Even if they know hindi, they dont speak up.
People - We never heard anyone laughing here (I wonder if they ever laugh or shout)
So conservative, that noone talks even in the bus
Food - Idly, sambhar, rice, dosa, vada, pongal
We have to cook our food ourselves (unbelievable naa).
Weather - summer from october to feb and rest of the year it's deadly summer.
Lesiure - TV, dormitery, dirty sea beaches on weekends
Rent - 6.5 K / 1 BHK
Advance - 6 months
Aata - Rs. 26 /kg
Apple - Rs 100 /kg
Orange - Rs. 10/piece
Banana - Rs 3 /piece
Mausmi Juice -Rs 18 /glass
Jeans Dryclean - Rs.40
Phulka - Rs. 8 (idly also Rs.8)
Interesting facts and incidents :
1. Here you cannot buy a needle after 6 PM (strange).
2. We asked an auto driver, "hindi aati hai"?. He replied in hindi "Hindi nahi aati".
3. The most common suffix here is 'a', e.g.
straight - straighta
2 cup tea - 2 cupa tea
4. Even dogs eat curd rice.
5. In north, names are like Gori Shankar, gauri prasad etc. Here the names are like Kaliraj, kalicharan etc.
6. When there is a 't' in any name, they add 'h' to it.
jayant - jayanth
bharat - bharath
7. Here is a culture of adding mystical alphabets after ones's name, like Mahesh R , Sandeep T etc.
7. Cable connection is of no use here as only tamil channels are broadcasted on cable TV, if anyone wanna watch hindi channels then you need to buy a set up box ( Rs.4000).
8. Cognizant navallur office is actually not in chennai, it comes under a district called Chengalpet which is 51 kms from main city.
9. Once we saw a girl in the food court, she was looking and acting like a north indian. My friend became exited and planned to talk to her, but just then we noticed her breakfast and then "dil ke armaan aansuon mein beh gaye", she was having pongal. (disguise!!)
10.How dare anyone come to chennai : Cognizant Chennai MCity comes under SEZ(special economic zone), swap and transfers from here are not possible.
11. No life after 9 PM.
12. No need to worry for Tsunami, because noone will be left to cry on your grave.
Bye Bye (waiting for banglore, pune, hyderabad update)
Life is not about cursing your posting location
but it is about how soon you leave the company
Reply for the complaint...
See i think a few things are pretty true here...But most of it are just mere exaggeration. He has just written all his effusive frustration here..!! I live here in bangalore , and trust me its much more expensive than wht he thinks.. i have lived in Chennai and Bangalore , so i do know the difference between most of the places in South India .. Chennai is supposed to be the second cheapest metropolitan city after Calcutta and any other cities in India ..
Language - Tamil, tamil and tamil. Even if they know hindi, they dont speak up.
For your Kind information, nobody knows Hindi here. Only non-tamilians living in Chennai take Hindi (like me) while most of them take French. And excluding the non-localites, people converse in ENGLISH.
People - We never heard anyone laughing here (I wonder if they ever laugh or shout). So conservative, that noone talks even in the bus.
They are not conservative damn it...ALL INDIANS are like that..!! The same happens in Bangalore , Hyderabad or Pune..U dont strike a coversation with a stranger out of the blue..!!
Food - Idly, sambhar, rice, dosa, vada, pongal. We have to cook our food ourselves (unbelievable naa).
Excuse' Moi ..!! When i went to the north (not specifying which place), me being a south-indian, had a tough time, hunting for some good rice to eat, because all i got was Aloo Paratha, Aloo Gobi, Gobi Manchurian, Aloo Muttor, Aloo Roast etc.. Wonder if they invented Aloo Juice.. Each of them have their own culture for taste and sense..!! So dont blame any place.
Weather - summer from october to feb and rest of the year it's deadly summer.
Damn it, dont tell me you would complain that it dint rain or snow in Sahara when you where there..!! Oh please, for heaven sake, each area has a difference in climate.. India is not small as u get to see in the world map.
Lesiure - TV, dormitery, dirty sea beaches on weekends
Hahahaa....Atleast you get to see a beach buddy..!!
Rent - 6.5 K / 1 BHK
Do you know the size of the rooms?? They would be huge. I pay 7K for a 1BHK, that is just as big as my bathroom in Chennai..!!
Advance - 6 months
Buddy, i pay an adavnce of 11 months.. !! So who is to blame??
Aata - Rs. 26 /kg
Apple - Rs 100 /kg
Orange - Rs. 10/piece
Banana - Rs 3 /piece
Mausmi Juice -Rs 18 /glass
Jeans Dryclean - Rs.40
Phulka - Rs. 8 (idly also Rs.8)
Hahahaaa..!! Pillsbury Aata costs the same all over India dear..!! Sorry these things dont worth an argument..
1. Here you cannot buy a needle after 6 PM (strange)
God give me a break..!!
And here comes my personal favorite..
2. We asked an auto driver, "hindi aati hai"?. He replied in hindi "Hindi nahi aati".
Buddy, thats the only thing they would have learnt in Hindi..!! For heaven sake, stop having false impressions that hindi is our National Language..!! It isnt..i have no time for this argument again..!! I never knew they speak Tamil in Delhi or Bombay ..!! So why Hindi in Chennai..!! Use a more worldy used language, ENGLISH.
3. The most common suffix here is 'a', e.g.
straight - straighta
2 cup tea - 2 cupa tea
Yes, like the way you'll pronunce, thirty (therty as thartty) and fourteen (forteen as farteen)..!! Somebody stop me..!!
4. Even dogs eat curd rice.
Atleast they get to eat something, not starved to death.. and yeah, less stray dogs, that they would be famished and start feeding on children.
5. In north, names are like Gori Shankar, gauri prasad etc. Here the names are like Kaliraj, kalicharan etc.
What else do what us to name?? Elvis Presley or Brad Pitt?? Atleast Elizabeth Hurly or Angelina Jolie never asked you, why your name was Gauri Prasad..!!
6. When there is a 't' in any name, they add 'h' to it.
jayant - jayanth
bharat - bharath
Well, in Hindi you wrtie 'Ta' as t, and in Tamil we write 'Tha' as Th..!! Dont find faults with such silly matters.
8. Here is a culture of adding mystical alphabets after ones's name, like Mahesh R, Sandeep T etc.
Sorry, instead to keeping 'Abhishek Anandkumar Khare' or 'Sunaina Swapan Teja', we just name them as 'Abhishek A.K' and 'Sunaina S.T'
9. Cable connection is of no use here as only tamil channels are broadcasted on cable TV, if anyone wanna watch hindi channels then you need to buy a set up box ( Rs.4000).
Hahaha...You guys where the ones who started making a big fuss about making Hindi Channels as paid Channels...we never wanted to watch Hindi here, so who cares.. Nobody uses STB (Set Top Box), Tamilians watch all south-indian languages for free..!!
10. Cognizant navallur office is actually not in chennai, it comes under a district called Chengalpet which is 51 kms from main city.
Escuse me..!! Hahaha..!! Infosys or any other office in Bangalore , in Electronics City , is actually in Hosur Road ....!! Dont expect Narayan Moorthy to build such a huge campus in the heart of the city..!! Ask questions that make sense..!!
11. Once we saw a girl in the food court, she was looking and acting like a north indian. My friend became exited and planned to talk to her, but just then we noticed her breakfast and then "dil ke armaan aansuon mein beh gaye", she was having pongal. (disguise!!)
I saw a cute south-indian guy...But what??? Ohhh..!! Shucks, he is having Aloo Paratha :'(
12.How dare anyone come to chennai : Cognizant Chennai MCity comes under SEZ(special economic zone), swap and transfers from here are not possible.
Be in Chennai learn something here, so that you could live anywhere in the world and stop making a upheaval with small matters of life.. They sent u here, so that u learn :)
13. No life after 9 PM.
Do u know what life is than just going to Disco's and Pubs?? Partying and Boozing??
14. No need to worry for Tsunami, because none will be left to cry on your grave.
Atleast we wont sit and fight among ourselves, shoot or die cause of bomb blast..Oh Boy, i want to look sweet when i die, dont wanna look like a roasted chicken ;)
No offence meant in this mail.. But just wanted to let you noe that DON'T BELIEVE ALL ARE TRUE.
I live in Bangalore , and I do love this place, and I would love it anywhere I live..!! Learn to adjust, and not to make a big riot over static things in the world..!!
Thanks.. A Universal Citiizen………!
L E M O N J U I C E - Superb.....
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the Crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
"No," replied the man.
"I work as a project manager in a software company"
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the Crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
"No," replied the man.
"I work as a project manager in a software company"
A good lesson
LESSON: If opportunity doesn't knock the door; open the door and drag opportunity inside.
Great sentences about wife from husband..funny
1. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
2.After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
3.By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
4.Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
5. The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
6. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
7. 'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
8. 'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
9. 'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
10. Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
a. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
b. Whenever you're right, shut up.
11.The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
12. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
13. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
14. First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Nice puzzle - try to crack it ...
Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.
One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus,
but he didn't stop the bus.
Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the
spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn
took him to the court.
The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.
He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the
center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The
conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to
him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him
free, and he returned to his profession.
After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to
board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this
time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on
the spot.
Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him
to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital
punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber
where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana
peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high
voltage current was given to him. This time also to
everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he
returned to his profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This
time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the
bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his
injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the
court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but
considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and
gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same
electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the
room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to
the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died
instantly !!!!!!!!!!!
The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died
instantly the third time??
Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is
perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.
Still you couldn't, Then look below.........
think hard………
socho socho.............
tired.... ?
wanna know the answer????
Post your answer as comment.
One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus,
but he didn't stop the bus.
Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the
spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn
took him to the court.
The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.
He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the
center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The
conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to
him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him
free, and he returned to his profession.
After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to
board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this
time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on
the spot.
Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him
to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital
punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber
where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana
peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high
voltage current was given to him. This time also to
everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he
returned to his profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This
time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the
bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his
injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the
court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but
considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and
gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same
electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the
room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to
the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died
instantly !!!!!!!!!!!
The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died
instantly the third time??
Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is
perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.
Still you couldn't, Then look below.........
think hard………
socho socho.............
tired.... ?
wanna know the answer????
Post your answer as comment.
Struggle a Little - Then Fly..Superb
Once a biology class was going
on.. The teacher was teaching the class on how a butterfly comes
out of its cocoon... He brought a live cocoon to demonstrate a butterfly
coming out... Unfortunately he was called out on an urgent task before
the butterfly could come out... But before he went he warned the class that
on no condition should anyone help the butterfly to come out... He
went out and after some time the cocoon opened and the butterfly
started to come out...
One boy taking pity on the butterfly's struggle helped it
to come out... The sir returned and saw the butterfly and then asked the class...
Who helped the butterfly..
The boy raised his hand and confessed...
The sir said u did grave error in helping the butterfly...
In helping it u deprived the butterfly of it life's goal...
The initial struggle out of the cocoon should help the butterfly strengthen its wings...
now it will never fly...
We are also in some ways like this butterfly...
Now read on .....
Sometimes Struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
If we were to go through life without any obstacles,
It would cripple us.
We would not be as strong as we could have been
And we could never fly.
So next time you are faced with an obstacle,
A challenge, or a problem,
Struggle a little- then fly.
on.. The teacher was teaching the class on how a butterfly comes
out of its cocoon... He brought a live cocoon to demonstrate a butterfly
coming out... Unfortunately he was called out on an urgent task before
the butterfly could come out... But before he went he warned the class that
on no condition should anyone help the butterfly to come out... He
went out and after some time the cocoon opened and the butterfly
started to come out...
One boy taking pity on the butterfly's struggle helped it
to come out... The sir returned and saw the butterfly and then asked the class...
Who helped the butterfly..
The boy raised his hand and confessed...
The sir said u did grave error in helping the butterfly...
In helping it u deprived the butterfly of it life's goal...
The initial struggle out of the cocoon should help the butterfly strengthen its wings...
now it will never fly...
We are also in some ways like this butterfly...
Now read on .....
Sometimes Struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
If we were to go through life without any obstacles,
It would cripple us.
We would not be as strong as we could have been
And we could never fly.
So next time you are faced with an obstacle,
A challenge, or a problem,
Struggle a little- then fly.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Nice One to read
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ' let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiled.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.'
'But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass, am I right?' asked the young girl. 'Correct, spot on,' said the stranger. The little girl continued, 'Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, ’Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit? '
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiled.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.'
'But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass, am I right?' asked the young girl. 'Correct, spot on,' said the stranger. The little girl continued, 'Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, ’Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit? '
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Self assessment..too good
A little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of
a store and dialed a number.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy : "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman : (at the other end of the phone line) "I already have
someone to cut my lawn."
Boy : "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price
than the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman : I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently
cutting my lawn.
Boy : (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the
floor and the stairs of your house for free.
Woman : No, thank you.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The
store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store Owner : "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive
spirit and would like to offer you a job."
Boy : "No thanks,
Store Owner : But you were really pleading for one.
Boy : No Sir, I was just checking my performance
at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"
This is called
"Self Assessment"
a store and dialed a number.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy : "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman : (at the other end of the phone line) "I already have
someone to cut my lawn."
Boy : "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price
than the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman : I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently
cutting my lawn.
Boy : (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the
floor and the stairs of your house for free.
Woman : No, thank you.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The
store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store Owner : "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive
spirit and would like to offer you a job."
Boy : "No thanks,
Store Owner : But you were really pleading for one.
Boy : No Sir, I was just checking my performance
at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"
This is called
"Self Assessment"
This is how we miss out something called "LIFE"..nice plz read it n comments plz
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child
collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?
ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step". Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are
actually not as difficult as you think.
MORAL :- This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship,
in a job or with the people we know.
By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E
collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?
ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step". Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are
actually not as difficult as you think.
MORAL :- This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship,
in a job or with the people we know.
By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Superb Doubts.....very nice just think of it
I've some doubts.. Can u please clarify me???
1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)
2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that
stuff? (very good thinking)
3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)
5. Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (I think they meant something else)
6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)
9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch)
10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oils made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
11. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)
15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
17. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
18. If DRINK & DRIVE is ILLEGAL, why the hell they have parking in Bars?
1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)
2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that
stuff? (very good thinking)
3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)
5. Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (I think they meant something else)
6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)
9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch)
10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oils made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
11. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)
15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
17. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
18. If DRINK & DRIVE is ILLEGAL, why the hell they have parking in Bars?
Good One....
A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: "Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 yr. old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together."
So the doctor said: 'Ok, and what do you want me to do?'
She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.'
The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: "I think, I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.'
She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.
Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms.
This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is.
There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.
The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!
'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be ok with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.
The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same!
So the doctor said: 'Ok, and what do you want me to do?'
She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.'
The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: "I think, I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.'
She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.
Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms.
This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is.
There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.
The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!
'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be ok with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.
The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Nandan's brief of his first day in parliament! - VeryInteresting... really i say
Nandan Nilekani’s Experience as Head of UIAI!
From an INFOSCION to a Politician - Nandan's Chronicles –2
Continuing my tryst with capturing the life and times of Nandan Nilekani in his new avatar as a Cabinet Minister, here is what he had penned after his first day in the Parliament. The last entry stopped when the House was just about to begin. Let’s see what happened thereafter….
The House was in pin drop silence. I was brimming with anticipation and excitement!!!! Manmohan had informed me that my introduction was one of the important points of the agenda. I hoped that I will be able to make my speech properly. After so many interviews and conferences, I was nervous today!!!! After the Speaker indicated that the proceedings of the House could begin, Manmohan formally introduced me to the entire House. He mentioned that as the head of the Unique Identification Authority of India, I was responsible to ensure that each and every Indian had a digital smart card as a proof of his existence.
Manmohan spoke about why I was selected and also some references to the various projects executed by me in Infosys were mentioned. The House listened with rapt attention. I was asked to say a few words and I did exactly the same!!! I thanked the Government of India for having given me this opportunity and I assured the House that I would strive to successfully deliver this project. The Speaker then formally inducted me into the House and before the proceedings could move any forward, there was a small commotion on the other side of the hall.
It was Minister of Textiles who had a comment to make before the next point on the agenda. He made a request that I should be attired in a more austere way instead of a flashy suit. It did not go well with the image of a minister who should live to serve the common man and should be less ostentatious in his habits. I stood up to reply. I offered my apologies to the Honourable Minister and assured that I shall be in a more acceptable dress next time. I felt that he was right. We also used to have corporate dress code in Infosys. So it's here as well!!!!
I sat down and felt somebody nudging me. I turned around and to my surprise; it was the former Indian skipper and one of my favourite batsman Mohd. Azharuddin. I remembered that he had recently won the elections. I smiled at him and mentioned to him that I used to like his game very much, shaking his hand. No Rolex, I noticed. Azhar told me that he would “fix” me an appointment with an Italian designer who had designed his dapper Kurta suit. An Italian designer in Milan doing Kurtas!!!!! I made a note of this and reminded myself to give this example to Friedman for his next book,” The World Markets are flattened”.
Since there was no doubt about the “Fixational” capacities of Azhar, I told him to give me the details and I would consider. The proceedings of the House went on with numerous bills being debated and passed as I sat as a passive audience waiting for my project’s turn to come up. After the lunch break, it was the moment for me!!!!
MY PROJECT”S FIRST REVIEW CAME UP FOR PRESENTATION.
I was at sea. My laptop did not have any reserve power. I went to Manmohan and apprised him of the situation. I was sweating. He calmly replied that this would not be a cause of concern. I was flummoxed!!!! The Speaker asked me to explain to the House on what were my plans for the Unique Identity Project. I replied that I have a plan prepared for 30-60-90-120 days’ milestones and I have presentation to make for which I need a power socket, a projector and a screen. I had no idea what was going to happen after this.
The next couple of minutes were a complete jolt for me. I was completely in a tizzy. Let me just summarize what happened. A Joint Cabinet Secretary Committee was set up to judge the feasibility of my request. The Under Secretaries for the Ministries of Power, IT and Broadcasting will prepare a Viability Report after scrutinizing National Security threats to my request. This was because the power socket comes under Power, laptop comes under IT and projector comes under Broadcasting. I have also been told to reconsider my timelines of 30-60-90 days and start thinking in terms of years. Probably, they are right. I did not have the foresight in this matter.
The summary of the issue is that I need to come up with a more inclusive, democratic, comprehensive long term plan for this project to be executed over the next five years. I have also been given a presentation slot 3 months from now (by which the issues related to the power cord etc will also be resolved). I am filled with mixed reactions. I was planning for a quick resolution; the management wants a strategic solution. I come out of the House and text Murthy.
“You won’t believe it but these guys work just like us. I am on a NATIONAL BENCH for the next three months!!!!!!!!”
From an INFOSCION to a Politician - Nandan's Chronicles –2
Continuing my tryst with capturing the life and times of Nandan Nilekani in his new avatar as a Cabinet Minister, here is what he had penned after his first day in the Parliament. The last entry stopped when the House was just about to begin. Let’s see what happened thereafter….
The House was in pin drop silence. I was brimming with anticipation and excitement!!!! Manmohan had informed me that my introduction was one of the important points of the agenda. I hoped that I will be able to make my speech properly. After so many interviews and conferences, I was nervous today!!!! After the Speaker indicated that the proceedings of the House could begin, Manmohan formally introduced me to the entire House. He mentioned that as the head of the Unique Identification Authority of India, I was responsible to ensure that each and every Indian had a digital smart card as a proof of his existence.
Manmohan spoke about why I was selected and also some references to the various projects executed by me in Infosys were mentioned. The House listened with rapt attention. I was asked to say a few words and I did exactly the same!!! I thanked the Government of India for having given me this opportunity and I assured the House that I would strive to successfully deliver this project. The Speaker then formally inducted me into the House and before the proceedings could move any forward, there was a small commotion on the other side of the hall.
It was Minister of Textiles who had a comment to make before the next point on the agenda. He made a request that I should be attired in a more austere way instead of a flashy suit. It did not go well with the image of a minister who should live to serve the common man and should be less ostentatious in his habits. I stood up to reply. I offered my apologies to the Honourable Minister and assured that I shall be in a more acceptable dress next time. I felt that he was right. We also used to have corporate dress code in Infosys. So it's here as well!!!!
I sat down and felt somebody nudging me. I turned around and to my surprise; it was the former Indian skipper and one of my favourite batsman Mohd. Azharuddin. I remembered that he had recently won the elections. I smiled at him and mentioned to him that I used to like his game very much, shaking his hand. No Rolex, I noticed. Azhar told me that he would “fix” me an appointment with an Italian designer who had designed his dapper Kurta suit. An Italian designer in Milan doing Kurtas!!!!! I made a note of this and reminded myself to give this example to Friedman for his next book,” The World Markets are flattened”.
Since there was no doubt about the “Fixational” capacities of Azhar, I told him to give me the details and I would consider. The proceedings of the House went on with numerous bills being debated and passed as I sat as a passive audience waiting for my project’s turn to come up. After the lunch break, it was the moment for me!!!!
MY PROJECT”S FIRST REVIEW CAME UP FOR PRESENTATION.
I was at sea. My laptop did not have any reserve power. I went to Manmohan and apprised him of the situation. I was sweating. He calmly replied that this would not be a cause of concern. I was flummoxed!!!! The Speaker asked me to explain to the House on what were my plans for the Unique Identity Project. I replied that I have a plan prepared for 30-60-90-120 days’ milestones and I have presentation to make for which I need a power socket, a projector and a screen. I had no idea what was going to happen after this.
The next couple of minutes were a complete jolt for me. I was completely in a tizzy. Let me just summarize what happened. A Joint Cabinet Secretary Committee was set up to judge the feasibility of my request. The Under Secretaries for the Ministries of Power, IT and Broadcasting will prepare a Viability Report after scrutinizing National Security threats to my request. This was because the power socket comes under Power, laptop comes under IT and projector comes under Broadcasting. I have also been told to reconsider my timelines of 30-60-90 days and start thinking in terms of years. Probably, they are right. I did not have the foresight in this matter.
The summary of the issue is that I need to come up with a more inclusive, democratic, comprehensive long term plan for this project to be executed over the next five years. I have also been given a presentation slot 3 months from now (by which the issues related to the power cord etc will also be resolved). I am filled with mixed reactions. I was planning for a quick resolution; the management wants a strategic solution. I come out of the House and text Murthy.
“You won’t believe it but these guys work just like us. I am on a NATIONAL BENCH for the next three months!!!!!!!!”
Pain of a married man!!!!!..aaah
Just for FUN….
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today!"
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today!"
superb Song(Telugu) --- Emunnadakko ooo Emunnadakka....!
Emunnadakko ooo emunnadakkaaa...
Potta perigipoi..juttu ralipoi...vunna paruvu poi..
ee industry lo nakinka
emunnadi akko.. emunnadi akko emunnadi akka..
B.tech chesi naaka (saami)
Hyderabad cherukunnaa(saami)
Experience adugutunteeeee aa aaaa aaaav
Experience adugunte, enta kaavali ante anta petti, job kottina, join ayyina banchaaaaaaan
(Emunnadi akko..)
Training lu ivvaka paye (saami)
Client interaction annadu (saami)
Communication baledu ante a aaa aaaa
Communication baledu ante, kumili kumili edichina, hindu paper veyinchinaa banchaaaaaan
(Emunnadi akko..)
Project ichundu vaadu(saami)
Payslip kuda vachindi(saami)
Payslip chupinchiiii. a a a a a a aaaaaaaaaaaa
Payslip chupinchina, credit card teesukunna, avasaram lenivi anni konna appula palu ainaaa banchhaann...
(Emunnadi akko..)
Project aipoindiii(saami)
Kottadi vastadi annadu (saami)
Bench lo pettundu aaaaa a aa aaaaaaa
Bench lo pettinaaka subject marichipoina, o roju na HR pilusundu poi kalisina banchaann....
(Emunnadi akko..)
Boom taggindi annadu (saami)
Cost cutting annadu (saami)..
Benchlo vunna ani cheppiii aaaaaa a a a a aaaaa
Bench lo vunna ani cheppi bayatiki tosundu kompa kulchundu banchaaannn...
(Emunnadi akko..)
Potta perigipoi..juttu ralipoi...vunna paruvu poi..
ee industry lo nakinka
emunnadi akko.. emunnadi akko emunnadi akka..
B.tech chesi naaka (saami)
Hyderabad cherukunnaa(saami)
Experience adugutunteeeee aa aaaa aaaav
Experience adugunte, enta kaavali ante anta petti, job kottina, join ayyina banchaaaaaaan
(Emunnadi akko..)
Training lu ivvaka paye (saami)
Client interaction annadu (saami)
Communication baledu ante a aaa aaaa
Communication baledu ante, kumili kumili edichina, hindu paper veyinchinaa banchaaaaaan
(Emunnadi akko..)
Project ichundu vaadu(saami)
Payslip kuda vachindi(saami)
Payslip chupinchiiii. a a a a a a aaaaaaaaaaaa
Payslip chupinchina, credit card teesukunna, avasaram lenivi anni konna appula palu ainaaa banchhaann...
(Emunnadi akko..)
Project aipoindiii(saami)
Kottadi vastadi annadu (saami)
Bench lo pettundu aaaaa a aa aaaaaaa
Bench lo pettinaaka subject marichipoina, o roju na HR pilusundu poi kalisina banchaann....
(Emunnadi akko..)
Boom taggindi annadu (saami)
Cost cutting annadu (saami)..
Benchlo vunna ani cheppiii aaaaaa a a a a aaaaa
Bench lo vunna ani cheppi bayatiki tosundu kompa kulchundu banchaaannn...
(Emunnadi akko..)
MINDBLOWING: Dialogues in English mind it.....
1) U can study and get any certificates. But u cannot get ur death certificate.
2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze u ll say HUTCH.
3) U can bcome an engineer if u study in engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if u studies in Presidency College.
4) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop .... u cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop.
5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a software engineer cannot bcom a software.
6)U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world in world cup.
7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard..
2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze u ll say HUTCH.
3) U can bcome an engineer if u study in engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if u studies in Presidency College.
4) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop .... u cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop.
5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a software engineer cannot bcom a software.
6)U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world in world cup.
7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard..
One solution for every situation..superb..very very nice
Great Message
Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them "Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstance, in every place and in every time. Something which can help me when none of you is available to advise me. Tell me is there any mantra?"
All wise men got puzzled by King's question.
One answer for all questions? Something that works everywhere, in every situation, in every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory?
They thought and thought.
After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper. But the condition was that king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he'll have to see it.
The King put the papers under his Diamond ring.
After a few days, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. It was a collective surprise attack of the King's enemies.
King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. King had to fled on his horse. The enemies were following him.
His horse took him far away in the Jungle. He could hear many troops of horses following him and the noise was coming closer and closer.
Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road – that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished and he could not return because it was a small road.
The sound of enemy's horses was approaching fast. King became restless. There seemed to be no way.
Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring.
He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was very small but very great.
The message was - "Even this shall pass away."
The King read it. Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes! It too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all his pleasure have gone.
I am here trying to escape from enemies.
However when those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. Calm come on his face. He kept standing there.
The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom. The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him. After a few minutes he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were not on that path.
The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his lost empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fan fare at the door. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood.
Flowers were being thrown on the King from every house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself," I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me".
With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him.
Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He open it and read it again:
"Even this shall pass away."
He became silent. His face went through a total change - from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness.
If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by we are witness of all this. We are the perceiver.
Life comes and goes.
Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes.
Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life. Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away.
There were friends in the past. They have gone.
There are friends today. They too will go.
There will be new friends tomorrow. They too will go.
There were enemies in the past. They have gone.
There may be enemies in the present. They too will go.
There will be new enemies tomorrow and they too will go.
There is nothing permanent in this world. Everything changes except the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all defeats and all sorrows.
All have passed away. If there are problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever.
Who are you in reality? Know your real face. Your face is not your true face. It will change with the time. However, there is something in you, which will not change. It will remain unchanged. What is that unchangeable?
It is nothing but your true self. You are just a witness of change.
Experience it, understand it.
Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them "Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstance, in every place and in every time. Something which can help me when none of you is available to advise me. Tell me is there any mantra?"
All wise men got puzzled by King's question.
One answer for all questions? Something that works everywhere, in every situation, in every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory?
They thought and thought.
After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper. But the condition was that king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he'll have to see it.
The King put the papers under his Diamond ring.
After a few days, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. It was a collective surprise attack of the King's enemies.
King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. King had to fled on his horse. The enemies were following him.
His horse took him far away in the Jungle. He could hear many troops of horses following him and the noise was coming closer and closer.
Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road – that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished and he could not return because it was a small road.
The sound of enemy's horses was approaching fast. King became restless. There seemed to be no way.
Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring.
He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was very small but very great.
The message was - "Even this shall pass away."
The King read it. Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes! It too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all his pleasure have gone.
I am here trying to escape from enemies.
However when those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. Calm come on his face. He kept standing there.
The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom. The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him. After a few minutes he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were not on that path.
The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his lost empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fan fare at the door. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood.
Flowers were being thrown on the King from every house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself," I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me".
With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him.
Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He open it and read it again:
"Even this shall pass away."
He became silent. His face went through a total change - from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness.
If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by we are witness of all this. We are the perceiver.
Life comes and goes.
Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes.
Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life. Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away.
There were friends in the past. They have gone.
There are friends today. They too will go.
There will be new friends tomorrow. They too will go.
There were enemies in the past. They have gone.
There may be enemies in the present. They too will go.
There will be new enemies tomorrow and they too will go.
There is nothing permanent in this world. Everything changes except the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all defeats and all sorrows.
All have passed away. If there are problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever.
Who are you in reality? Know your real face. Your face is not your true face. It will change with the time. However, there is something in you, which will not change. It will remain unchanged. What is that unchangeable?
It is nothing but your true self. You are just a witness of change.
Experience it, understand it.
diff between boy and girl..funny
How a BOY withdraws cash from an ATM.
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away
How a GIRL withdraws cash from an ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away
How a GIRL withdraws cash from an ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
PERFECT BOSS-....
There were about 70 scientists working on a very hectic project. All of
them
were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their
boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.
One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised
to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our
township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.
His boss replied "OK, You're permitted to leave the office early today"
The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual
he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt
he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 PM. Suddenly he remembered
of
the promise he had given to his children.
He looked for his boss,,He was not there. Having told him in the morning
itself, he closed everything and left for home.
Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his
children.He reached home. Children were not there.His wife alone was
sitting
in the hall and reading magazines.
The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him. His wife
asked
him "Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner
if
you are hungry.
The man replied "If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what
about Children ??"
Wife replied "You don't know ?? Your manager came here at 5.15 PM and has
taken the children to the exhibition "
What had really happened was ... The boss who granted him permission was
observing him working seriously at 5.00 PM. He thought to himself, this
person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they
should enjoy the visit to exhibition.
So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition
The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty is
established.
That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss
eventhough the stress was tremendous.
By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was..?
He was none other than Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam,
them
were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their
boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.
One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised
to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our
township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.
His boss replied "OK, You're permitted to leave the office early today"
The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual
he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt
he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 PM. Suddenly he remembered
of
the promise he had given to his children.
He looked for his boss,,He was not there. Having told him in the morning
itself, he closed everything and left for home.
Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his
children.He reached home. Children were not there.His wife alone was
sitting
in the hall and reading magazines.
The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him. His wife
asked
him "Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner
if
you are hungry.
The man replied "If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what
about Children ??"
Wife replied "You don't know ?? Your manager came here at 5.15 PM and has
taken the children to the exhibition "
What had really happened was ... The boss who granted him permission was
observing him working seriously at 5.00 PM. He thought to himself, this
person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they
should enjoy the visit to exhibition.
So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition
The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty is
established.
That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss
eventhough the stress was tremendous.
By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was..?
He was none other than Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam,
Monday, October 26, 2009
Sense of Humor 4 de day! AXE effect........
New Delhi. In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.
Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her in front of her after applying all the Axe products.
Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe
No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her
“Where is the Axe effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!” Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.
Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.
“I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai.” Vaibhav expressed his frustration.
Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.
HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn’t possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.
“HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I’d suggest that the company settles this issue out of court.” noted lawyer Ram Jhoothmalani said.
Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her in front of her after applying all the Axe products.
Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe
No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her
“Where is the Axe effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!” Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.
Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.
“I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai.” Vaibhav expressed his frustration.
Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.
HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn’t possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.
“HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I’d suggest that the company settles this issue out of court.” noted lawyer Ram Jhoothmalani said.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Must read story....
Sanjay, a rich guy, loved fast cars and he did have a few in his possession.
He loved to speed and could not be bothered about breaking speedlimits. Many a times he was
caught by the cops and speed radars, fined, but still he never bothered until.
One day as he was driving at a very high speed as usual, he saw a cop following him. The cop overtook him finally and asked him to stop
and checked his license. He then took out his pad and started writing, and then handed over the sheet of paper to Sanjay.
How much was this one going to cost?!!!
Wait a minute.
What was this????
Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.
Sanjay began to read:
"Dear Sanjay,
Once upon a time I had a lovely daughter. She was six when killed by a car.
You guessed it - a speeding driver's car.A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his three daughters.
I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven, before I can ever hug her again.
A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it
again. Even now. Pray for me.. And be careful, Sanjay, my son is all I have left."
Sanjay turned around in time to see the cop's car pull away and head down the road.
He watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and
hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.
Life is precious. Handle it with care.
Funny how you can send a thousand jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the
sanctity of life, people think twice about sharing. Funny, how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you, for sending it to them.Pass this on, you may save a life. Then maybe not, but we'll never know for sure.
He loved to speed and could not be bothered about breaking speedlimits. Many a times he was
caught by the cops and speed radars, fined, but still he never bothered until.
One day as he was driving at a very high speed as usual, he saw a cop following him. The cop overtook him finally and asked him to stop
and checked his license. He then took out his pad and started writing, and then handed over the sheet of paper to Sanjay.
How much was this one going to cost?!!!
Wait a minute.
What was this????
Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.
Sanjay began to read:
"Dear Sanjay,
Once upon a time I had a lovely daughter. She was six when killed by a car.
You guessed it - a speeding driver's car.A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his three daughters.
I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven, before I can ever hug her again.
A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it
again. Even now. Pray for me.. And be careful, Sanjay, my son is all I have left."
Sanjay turned around in time to see the cop's car pull away and head down the road.
He watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and
hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.
Life is precious. Handle it with care.
Funny how you can send a thousand jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the
sanctity of life, people think twice about sharing. Funny, how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you, for sending it to them.Pass this on, you may save a life. Then maybe not, but we'll never know for sure.
17 signs of falling in love
SEVENTEEN:
U LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE/PICTURE CONSTANTLY
SIXTEEN:
WHEN YOUR ON THE PHONE WITH THEM LATE AT NIGHT AND THEY HANG UP, YOU
STILL MISS THEM EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO MINUTES AGO.
FIFTEEN:
YOU READ THEIR TEXTS or IMS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
FOURTEEN:
YOU WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN YOU'RE WITH THEM
THIRTEEN:
YOU FEEL SHY WHENEVER YOU'RE/THEY'RE AROUND.
ELEVEN:
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, YOUR HEART BEATS FASTER AND SLOWER AT THE
SAME TIME
TEN:
YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR VOICE.
NINE:
WHEN YOU lOOK AT THEM, YOU CAN'T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All
YOU SEE IS HIM//HER.
EIGHT:
YOU START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS, WHILE THINKING OF THEM
SEVEN:
THEY'RE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.
SIX:
YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM THEIR SCENT.
FIVE:
YOU REALlIZE THAT YOU'RE AlWAYS SMILING TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK
ABOUT THEM.
FOUR:
YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM, OR ANYTHING TO SEE THEM.
THREE:
WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE PERSON ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME...
TWO:
YOU WERE SO BUSY THINKING ABOUT THAT PERSON, YOU DIDN'T NOTICE NUMBER
TWELVE.
ONE:
YOU JUST SCROLLED UP TO CHECK & ARE NOW SILENTLY LAUGHING AT YOURSELF.
NOW MAKE A WiSH. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.......
*
**
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IF YOU DIDN'T NOTICE NUMBER 12, POST THIS AS: "17 signs of falling in
LOVE."
*AND SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TONIGHT
An Official Meeting..Awesome..........
An Official Meeting
----------------------------
It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people
from the department had been called. The VP was looking very tensed.
The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey , what is this meeting
about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next
meeting.
We both smiled at each other.
Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people
had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge.
If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP.
The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments.
But complete the work in another 25 days.Take people and complete it man.
And my sweet manager replied "VP-Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't
give me nine wife's and one month. I cannot do anything."
We all looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. I looked
at my manager and thought "what an awesome reply man!"
----------------------------
It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people
from the department had been called. The VP was looking very tensed.
The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey , what is this meeting
about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next
meeting.
We both smiled at each other.
Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people
had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge.
If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP.
The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments.
But complete the work in another 25 days.Take people and complete it man.
And my sweet manager replied "VP-Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't
give me nine wife's and one month. I cannot do anything."
We all looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. I looked
at my manager and thought "what an awesome reply man!"
Worldwide survey
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn't know what 'food'
meant, In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant, In Europe they
didn't know what 'shortage' meant, In China they didn't know what
'opinion' meant,In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution'
meant, In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant, And
in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn't know what 'food'
meant, In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant, In Europe they
didn't know what 'shortage' meant, In China they didn't know what
'opinion' meant,In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution'
meant, In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant, And
in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
Flag this message Life after death....
BOSS said to an employee: "Do you believe in life after Death?
EMPLOYEE: "Certainly not! There ' s no proof of it", he replied.
BOSS : "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle ' s funeral, he came here looking for you...
EMPLOYEE: "Certainly not! There ' s no proof of it", he replied.
BOSS : "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle ' s funeral, he came here looking for you...
Hillarious
One morning at a doctor’s surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he
was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What
the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was
the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running
late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same
time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
Patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened
to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he
was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What
the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was
the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running
late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same
time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
Patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened
to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
Flag this message If u r Planning to Switch.....think twice
Male to Female Ratio Among IT Professionals
Issued in Public Interest
Male to Female Ratio Among IT Professionals
Company M/F Ratio
Rolta 24:1
Mascon Global 19:1
HCL Infosystems 12:1
Adobe 11:1
EDS 500: 1
Digital Globalsoft 7:1
HCL Technologies 6:1
Sun Microsystems 6:1
HP 5:1
Capgemini 5:1
Infosys 5:1
Kshema Technologies 4:1
Wipro 4:1
TCS 4:1
SAP 4:1
Hughes Software Systems 4:1
iFlex 4:1
Philips 3:1
Cognizant Technology 3:1
NIIT 2:1
THOMSON FINANCIALS 1:3
Guys look out for THOMSON.............
And Gals please help EDS.... aaaaaaahhhhhhahahahhah
Issued in Public Interest
Male to Female Ratio Among IT Professionals
Company M/F Ratio
Rolta 24:1
Mascon Global 19:1
HCL Infosystems 12:1
Adobe 11:1
EDS 500: 1
Digital Globalsoft 7:1
HCL Technologies 6:1
Sun Microsystems 6:1
HP 5:1
Capgemini 5:1
Infosys 5:1
Kshema Technologies 4:1
Wipro 4:1
TCS 4:1
SAP 4:1
Hughes Software Systems 4:1
iFlex 4:1
Philips 3:1
Cognizant Technology 3:1
NIIT 2:1
THOMSON FINANCIALS 1:3
Guys look out for THOMSON.............
And Gals please help EDS.... aaaaaaahhhhhhahahahhah
Friday, October 16, 2009
Please do not laugh!
In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out
to different countries for a test.
In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;
In UK , in 30 minutes it
caught 50 thieves;
Spain , in 30 minutes it caught 65 thieves;
Ghana ,
in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves;
India , in 15 minutes
.
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the machine was stolen.
I thought I told you not to laugh????????
won't you!!
Flag this message Six Truths Of Life
6 Truths of Life
1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.
2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.
3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.
4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.
5. You soon will tell this to another idiot.
6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.
I apologize about this
I'm an idiot and I needed company ..
TV9 Funny Spoof !!
Funny Spoof !!
Veedi channel lo news ki chinna example (fiction)
manam road meeda velthu untaam. Oka kukka pilla kaalu virigi kuntunthundi. manaki time unte aagi daaniki emi kaavalo chsutham, ledu ante ayyo paapam ani jaali padi vellipothaam.
TV9 reporter velthunnadu, ventane Tv9 office ki oka phone velthundi, vaadu cameraman ni pamputhadu.
Ika modalu........
krishna aa kukka paristhithi ela undi? eppati nunchi akkada undi?
ee kukka morning nunchi ikkade undi, ippudu kuntunthundi......swapna
Akkadi vallu emanna chebuthunnara?... Krishna
Swapna...ikkadi vaallu idi oka kukka ani, daani kaaluku debba thagalatam valla kuntuthundi ani chepthunnaru. ee vidham ga gatham lo aa kukka ee area lo ila kuntaledani, ide thaamu modati saari choodatam ani chepthunnaru
Kuntuthunna Kukka Spandana ela undi? .....krishna
Kukka prasthutham kuntuthundi swapna. Ee vidham ga kaalu ku debba thagalatam kotha anukunta, anduke kuntatam raaka ibbandi paduthundi. Maatlaadinchataniki prayathnichina adi samaadhanam cheppakunda, mooluguthundi.....swapna
Thank you Krishna , eppatikappudu thaaja paristhithi sameekshisthu undtaaniki meeku call chesthu untam.
Idi gaayapadi kuntthunna kukka sthithi meeda maa crime prathinidhi
Krishna andinchina vivaraalu. Ippudu oka chinna break..break tarvatha Kukkalu-Kuntudu amsam pai charchintaniki pramukha doctor Kukkuteswara Rao gaaru mana studio ki vasthunanru.
Break Tarvatha..........
RajniKanth : Cheppandi Kukkuteswara Rao gaaru gatham lo meeru eppudaina ila Kukkalu kunttam chusara? oka vela chusthe aa jaathi kukkalu kuntam chusi untaaru.
Kukkuteswar : Ee vidham ga kukkalu kuntatam idi modati saari kaadu. Prapanchavyaaptham ga enno jaathula kukkalu, enno sandarbhallo ila kuntinattu manaku aadhaaraalu unnai. Kuntataniki jaathi tho sambandam ledu.
RajniKanth : Ante Kukkalu kunteppudu vaatiki emanna badha untunda? Unte etuvanti badha?
Kukkuteswar : Badha lo rakaalu undavandi. Kunteppudu general ga debba thagilna kaalu ki noppi untundi ani Dog's Medical Science lo gatti aadharaalu unnai.
RajniKanth : Thaaja paristhi cheppenduku maa crime prathinidhi
Krishna telephone lo sidham ga unanru...Krishan Cheppandi..aa Kukka Paristhithi ela undi
Krishna : (chevilo ear piece pettukuni bithara chupulu chusthu untaadu)
Krishna Cheppandi..aa Kukka Paristhithi ela undi?
Rajni kukka mooluguthundi, ippude blue cross vallu daanini teesuku vellaru.
Kukka kaalu ki debba thagilindi, daani ithara sareera bhaagalu ela unnai?...krishna
Rajni, Kukka kaalu ki maathrma debba thagilindi. Kaani ee Kukka thoka vankara ga undi.
Vankara ante ela undi...krishna (ippudu Rajni moham lo expression inkekkada chudalemu, stahruvu tanker ni dwamsam cheyyataniki wait chetshunna soldier face lo thappa)
Rajni Vankara ga antecuttukuni undi, nenu appatiki daanini straight cheyyataniki try chetshunnau kaani adi chuttukupothundi. bahusa kaalu ki debba thagalatam valla ani naa uddesam.
Thank you krishna....Kukkuteswar gaaru, kaalu ki debba thagalatam valla thoka vankara ayyi untundi ani maa prathinidhi Kirshna chepthunanru, deeni pai mee spandana enti?
Spandana ante emi untundi ra poondakor vedhava...kukka thoka kaalu ki debba thagalatam valla vankara ayyedi enti ra dhed dimgaa ga. emi manishivi ra nuvvu, ippati varaku nuvvu raasi ichina answers chadivanu, inka naa valla kaadu, naa tea marigipothu untaayi. bangaram laanti Mallayya ane
peru maarchi kukkuteswar rao ani maarchi, shirt pant rent ki techi naaku ichi doctor laaga act cheyyala? ala act chetshe naa tea kottu nunchi eduru ga
unna mee TV9 office ki roju 100 tea order isthara. manassakshi undantra edava
(ila thiduthu undgaane, TV9 logo vachi, merugaina samaajama kosam chusthune undandi TV9 ani vocie vinipinchi ads raavatam modalu ayyindi)
Veedi channel lo news ki chinna example (fiction)
manam road meeda velthu untaam. Oka kukka pilla kaalu virigi kuntunthundi. manaki time unte aagi daaniki emi kaavalo chsutham, ledu ante ayyo paapam ani jaali padi vellipothaam.
TV9 reporter velthunnadu, ventane Tv9 office ki oka phone velthundi, vaadu cameraman ni pamputhadu.
Ika modalu........
krishna aa kukka paristhithi ela undi? eppati nunchi akkada undi?
ee kukka morning nunchi ikkade undi, ippudu kuntunthundi......swapna
Akkadi vallu emanna chebuthunnara?... Krishna
Swapna...ikkadi vaallu idi oka kukka ani, daani kaaluku debba thagalatam valla kuntuthundi ani chepthunnaru. ee vidham ga gatham lo aa kukka ee area lo ila kuntaledani, ide thaamu modati saari choodatam ani chepthunnaru
Kuntuthunna Kukka Spandana ela undi? .....krishna
Kukka prasthutham kuntuthundi swapna. Ee vidham ga kaalu ku debba thagalatam kotha anukunta, anduke kuntatam raaka ibbandi paduthundi. Maatlaadinchataniki prayathnichina adi samaadhanam cheppakunda, mooluguthundi.....swapna
Thank you Krishna , eppatikappudu thaaja paristhithi sameekshisthu undtaaniki meeku call chesthu untam.
Idi gaayapadi kuntthunna kukka sthithi meeda maa crime prathinidhi
Krishna andinchina vivaraalu. Ippudu oka chinna break..break tarvatha Kukkalu-Kuntudu amsam pai charchintaniki pramukha doctor Kukkuteswara Rao gaaru mana studio ki vasthunanru.
Break Tarvatha..........
RajniKanth : Cheppandi Kukkuteswara Rao gaaru gatham lo meeru eppudaina ila Kukkalu kunttam chusara? oka vela chusthe aa jaathi kukkalu kuntam chusi untaaru.
Kukkuteswar : Ee vidham ga kukkalu kuntatam idi modati saari kaadu. Prapanchavyaaptham ga enno jaathula kukkalu, enno sandarbhallo ila kuntinattu manaku aadhaaraalu unnai. Kuntataniki jaathi tho sambandam ledu.
RajniKanth : Ante Kukkalu kunteppudu vaatiki emanna badha untunda? Unte etuvanti badha?
Kukkuteswar : Badha lo rakaalu undavandi. Kunteppudu general ga debba thagilna kaalu ki noppi untundi ani Dog's Medical Science lo gatti aadharaalu unnai.
RajniKanth : Thaaja paristhi cheppenduku maa crime prathinidhi
Krishna telephone lo sidham ga unanru...Krishan Cheppandi..aa Kukka Paristhithi ela undi
Krishna : (chevilo ear piece pettukuni bithara chupulu chusthu untaadu)
Krishna Cheppandi..aa Kukka Paristhithi ela undi?
Rajni kukka mooluguthundi, ippude blue cross vallu daanini teesuku vellaru.
Kukka kaalu ki debba thagilindi, daani ithara sareera bhaagalu ela unnai?...krishna
Rajni, Kukka kaalu ki maathrma debba thagilindi. Kaani ee Kukka thoka vankara ga undi.
Vankara ante ela undi...krishna (ippudu Rajni moham lo expression inkekkada chudalemu, stahruvu tanker ni dwamsam cheyyataniki wait chetshunna soldier face lo thappa)
Rajni Vankara ga antecuttukuni undi, nenu appatiki daanini straight cheyyataniki try chetshunnau kaani adi chuttukupothundi. bahusa kaalu ki debba thagalatam valla ani naa uddesam.
Thank you krishna....Kukkuteswar gaaru, kaalu ki debba thagalatam valla thoka vankara ayyi untundi ani maa prathinidhi Kirshna chepthunanru, deeni pai mee spandana enti?
Spandana ante emi untundi ra poondakor vedhava...kukka thoka kaalu ki debba thagalatam valla vankara ayyedi enti ra dhed dimgaa ga. emi manishivi ra nuvvu, ippati varaku nuvvu raasi ichina answers chadivanu, inka naa valla kaadu, naa tea marigipothu untaayi. bangaram laanti Mallayya ane
peru maarchi kukkuteswar rao ani maarchi, shirt pant rent ki techi naaku ichi doctor laaga act cheyyala? ala act chetshe naa tea kottu nunchi eduru ga
unna mee TV9 office ki roju 100 tea order isthara. manassakshi undantra edava
(ila thiduthu undgaane, TV9 logo vachi, merugaina samaajama kosam chusthune undandi TV9 ani vocie vinipinchi ads raavatam modalu ayyindi)
Evergreen Lovers
To ,
Tintumol
UKG A.
Dear Tintumol,
I love you. My dream I see you. Everywhere you. You no, I live no.
I come red shirt 2morrow. You love I, you come red frock. I wait down
mango tree. You no come, i jump train. Sure come...
yours lovely,
Tutumon
Std 1 B
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
Reply....by Tintumol....
Darling, your letter mama see. Papa beat me beat me so many beat me.
I cry. i cry. So no come to mango tree. No jump train. I love you.
See another day. I no red frock. Only green.
You love me, you love me you green shirt. Give I gift. I see you with
pinkumol.
Where you go.. NO talk to her. Okay My dream also only you
Lovely
Tintumol...
Tintumol
UKG A.
Dear Tintumol,
I love you. My dream I see you. Everywhere you. You no, I live no.
I come red shirt 2morrow. You love I, you come red frock. I wait down
mango tree. You no come, i jump train. Sure come...
yours lovely,
Tutumon
Std 1 B
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
Reply....by Tintumol....
Darling, your letter mama see. Papa beat me beat me so many beat me.
I cry. i cry. So no come to mango tree. No jump train. I love you.
See another day. I no red frock. Only green.
You love me, you love me you green shirt. Give I gift. I see you with
pinkumol.
Where you go.. NO talk to her. Okay My dream also only you
Lovely
Tintumol...
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Style of girls
Talking Style of girls
If v treat her nice she says "yaar mujhe line de raha hai"
If v dont she says "kitna akarta hai"
If v dress nicely she says "mujhe impress karna chahta hai"
If v dont she says "tasteless hai yaar"
If v argue with her she says "ziddi hai"
If v sit quietly she says "dumb hai"
If v act smarter she'll lose her brain as u r insulting her
If she acts smarter she thinks its her right
If v dont love her she says "is ka to pehle se hi 2,3 ladkiyon ka saath chakkar hai"
If v love her she says "peechhe hi pad gayaa hai"
If v dont tell her ur prob she says " u r not honest 2 me"
If u do tell to her she says "u r a problem child"
If v scold her she says "you act like a grandpa giving lecture"
If she scolds us she says "Yaar, its becoz i care"
If v break a promise she says "She does not trust u any more"
If she breaks she says "jaan main majboor thi....
ladkiyan re ladkiya . .
bechare boys itna sab sehke b chup chap rehte hai.
If v treat her nice she says "yaar mujhe line de raha hai"
If v dont she says "kitna akarta hai"
If v dress nicely she says "mujhe impress karna chahta hai"
If v dont she says "tasteless hai yaar"
If v argue with her she says "ziddi hai"
If v sit quietly she says "dumb hai"
If v act smarter she'll lose her brain as u r insulting her
If she acts smarter she thinks its her right
If v dont love her she says "is ka to pehle se hi 2,3 ladkiyon ka saath chakkar hai"
If v love her she says "peechhe hi pad gayaa hai"
If v dont tell her ur prob she says " u r not honest 2 me"
If u do tell to her she says "u r a problem child"
If v scold her she says "you act like a grandpa giving lecture"
If she scolds us she says "Yaar, its becoz i care"
If v break a promise she says "She does not trust u any more"
If she breaks she says "jaan main majboor thi....
ladkiyan re ladkiya . .
bechare boys itna sab sehke b chup chap rehte hai.
Funny interview Post
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication engineering from
BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard
of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission
into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I
was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to
call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said
- "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you
know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis
tournaments.. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and
3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try
to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches
really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I
would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job
for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education
itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have
you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current
platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can
see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the
places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in
German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher
version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new
language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times
they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since
joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that
Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and
Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call
and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I
would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to
avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 2-4 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and
Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in
2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and
don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to
INFOSYS .. :-))
Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication engineering from
BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard
of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission
into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I
was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to
call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said
- "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you
know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis
tournaments.. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and
3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try
to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches
really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I
would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job
for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education
itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have
you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current
platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can
see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the
places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in
German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher
version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new
language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times
they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since
joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that
Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and
Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call
and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I
would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to
avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 2-4 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and
Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in
2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and
don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to
INFOSYS .. :-))
Marriage in words of a software engineer
Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.
Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.
Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.
Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.
Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.
Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.
Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.
Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis, Product once sold will not be taken back
Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.
Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.
Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.
Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.
Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.
Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.
Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis, Product once sold will not be taken back
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