Self Appraisal....awesome

A little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a
store and dialed a number.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:  
   
Boy                : "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
 
Woman         : (at the other end of the phone line) "I already have Someone to cut my lawn."  
Boy                : "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now."  
Woman         : I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently Cutting my lawn.  
Boy                : (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the Floor and the stairs of your house for free.
Woman          : No, thank you.  
 
 With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The Store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.  
 
Store Owner       : "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a  job."  
Boy                       : "No thanks,  
Store Owner       :  But you were really pleading for one.
 
 
 
Can you Guess, what was the boys reply?  
 
Boy                       : No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"  
 
    
This is called         "Self Appraisal"
 

Some male bashing..... (For a change)...

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.


Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...


Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.


Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would
hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....


Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.


Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.


Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business


Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...


Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
intention of driving.


Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!


Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Impact of Job change

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.......u can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back!!

Vacuum cleaner..nice one

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the  First house of the street.
 
 A tall lady answered the door.
 
 Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the  cow droppings onto the carpet.
 
 "Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new
 
 powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
 
 "Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" .asked the lady.
 
 The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
 
 "There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
 
 MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project and Committing to the client...!!!  

Golf Balls....Excellent

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in ?front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. ? He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. ?They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor,  as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Communication.................awesome

Arab person sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:
 
Dear Dad,
 
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,
 
I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when all
My Teachers travel by train.
 
Your Son
Nasser
 
 **********************************************************************
 
Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:
 
Loving son,
 
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop
embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.
 
Your Dad

 **********************************************************************

Are you an Out of Box Thinker..?? - check out...

Brain Benders:  Each Right Question receives 1 point (a total of 10 points for 10 questions. No points for wrong answer.

Score:

• 0 points: Needs help!  
• 1 - 3 points: Good Thinker
• 4 - 6 points: Intelligent  
• 7 - 9 points: Extraordinary  
• 10 points: Genius!

 

Its easy to scroll thru the answer… Just give a Serious and sincere try.


Q1: A father and his son are involved in a car accident, as a result of which the son is rushed to hospital for emergency surgery. The surgeon looks at him and says "I can't operate on him, he's my son". Explain. (The answer is not "step-father"!)


Q1 Ans: The surgeon is the mother!    

Q2: What can you hold in your right hand, but not in your left?
 

Q2 Ans: Left Elbow.


Q3: How many birthdays does a typical woman have?

Q3 Ans: 1 birthday.


Q4: If a plane crashes on the Indian/Pakistan border, where do you bury the survivors?
 
Q4 Ans: You can't burry survivors!

Q5: A cowboy rode into town on Friday, spent one night there, and left on Friday. How do you account for this?
Q5 Ans: The name of his horse was Friday.

Q6: Which side of a cat contains the most hair?
Q6 Ans: The outside.

Q7: Is it legal for a man to marry his widow's sister?
Q7 Ans: The man is dead so he can't marry even if he wanted to!

Q8: Gaurav looked through the dirty window on the 24th floor of his office building. Depressed, he slid the window open and jumped through it. It was a sheer drop from the building to the ground. Miraculously after he landed he was completely unhurt. There was nothing to cushion his fall or slow his descent, yet he survived. Explain?
 
Q8 Ans: Gaurav being a window cleaner, was cleaning the window form the outside, opened the window, and jumped inside.

Q9: A man and his wife drove at full speed through the streets. They stopped, and the husband got out of the car. When he came back, his wife was dead, and there was a stranger in the car. Explain?
Q9 Ans: The wife was pregnant and delivered the baby inside the car and died. However, the baby survived.

Q10: Why can't a man living in Delhi not be buried in Mumbai?
 
Q10 Ans: Because the man is still alive!  

Sounds Crazy ha… JJJ

So Whats the score..??