Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins.
When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the priest, "Father, I am sinful."
"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."
"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her."
"That's bad my boy. Fortunately, you realize your mistake."
"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues. So, I slept with her too."
"That's not very good of you."
"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."
"Father?.... ..... Father?"
Suddenly, this guy realized that there was no response from the Father. He walked over and discovered that the priest was not there. So, he began searching for him. "Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Old Age Love
An older couple was lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck".
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"TO GET MY TEETH..!!!"
The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck".
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"TO GET MY TEETH..!!!"
Consultant
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.
Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the Shepherd:
“If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”
The shepherd looks at the young man and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: “Okay.”
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables then prints out a 10 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.
He turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”
The shepherd cheers,”That’ s correct, you can have your sheep.”
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks:
“If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”
The young man answers, “Yes, why not”.
The shepherd says, “You are a Management Consultant
From a top-notch consultancy like ———.
“How did you know?” asks the surprised young man.
“Very simple,” answers the shepherd.
“First, you came here without being called.
Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew,
And third, you don’t understand anything about my business…
Now can I have my DOG back?”
Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the Shepherd:
“If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”
The shepherd looks at the young man and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: “Okay.”
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables then prints out a 10 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.
He turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”
The shepherd cheers,”That’ s correct, you can have your sheep.”
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks:
“If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”
The young man answers, “Yes, why not”.
The shepherd says, “You are a Management Consultant
From a top-notch consultancy like ———.
“How did you know?” asks the surprised young man.
“Very simple,” answers the shepherd.
“First, you came here without being called.
Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew,
And third, you don’t understand anything about my business…
Now can I have my DOG back?”
Attitude is Everything
An old man lived alone in Minnesota.He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son,who would have helped him, was in prison.The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:
Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to misdoing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.If you were here, all my troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot, for me if you weren’t in the prison.
Love,
Dad
Shortly,the old man received this telegram:
“For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden !!That’s where I buried the GUNS!!”
At 4 a.m.the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused,the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened and asked him what to do next.
His son’s reply was:
“Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad It’s the best I could do for you from here.”
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT,. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE.
His only son,who would have helped him, was in prison.The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:
Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to misdoing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.If you were here, all my troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot, for me if you weren’t in the prison.
Love,
Dad
Shortly,the old man received this telegram:
“For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden !!That’s where I buried the GUNS!!”
At 4 a.m.the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused,the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened and asked him what to do next.
His son’s reply was:
“Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad It’s the best I could do for you from here.”
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT,. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
SALTY COFFEE ..a beautiful love story
He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.. Suddenly he asked the waiter:
"Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.
She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?
He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there".
While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.
That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him!
Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.
I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..
Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".
Her tears made the letter totally wet.
Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.
**********
Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive
Not 2 c but 2 understand
Not 2 hear but 2 listen
Not 2 let go but HOLD ON !!!!
**********
"Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.
She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?
He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there".
While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.
That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him!
Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.
I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..
Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".
Her tears made the letter totally wet.
Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.
**********
Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive
Not 2 c but 2 understand
Not 2 hear but 2 listen
Not 2 let go but HOLD ON !!!!
**********
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Impact of job change
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my 1st day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my 1st day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
What Woman Want ????
If you praise her,
She thinks you are telling lies.
If you don’t,
You are good for nothing.
If she talks,
She wants you to listen.
If you listen,
She wants you to talk.
If you try to touch her,
You are not a gentleman.
If you don’t,
You are not a man.
If you agree to all her likes,
You are a wimp.
If you don’t,
You are not understanding.
So simple yet so complex,
So weird yet so beautiful.
She thinks you are telling lies.
If you don’t,
You are good for nothing.
If she talks,
She wants you to listen.
If you listen,
She wants you to talk.
If you try to touch her,
You are not a gentleman.
If you don’t,
You are not a man.
If you agree to all her likes,
You are a wimp.
If you don’t,
You are not understanding.
So simple yet so complex,
So weird yet so beautiful.
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