Consultant

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the Shepherd:

“If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”
The shepherd looks at the young man and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: “Okay.”

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables then prints out a 10 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.
He turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”

The shepherd cheers,”That’ s correct, you can have your sheep.”
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks:
“If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”
The young man answers, “Yes, why not”.

The shepherd says, “You are a Management Consultant
From a top-notch consultancy like ———.

“How did you know?” asks the surprised young man.

“Very simple,” answers the shepherd.
“First, you came here without being called.
Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew,
And third, you don’t understand anything about my business…

Now can I have my DOG back?”

Attitude is Everything

An old man lived alone in Minnesota.He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son,who would have helped him, was in prison.The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to misdoing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.If you were here, all my troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot, for me if you weren’t in the prison.

Love,
Dad

Shortly,the old man received this telegram:

“For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden !!That’s where I buried the GUNS!!”

At 4 a.m.the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused,the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened and asked him what to do next.

His son’s reply was:

“Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad It’s the best I could do for you from here.”

NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT,. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE.

SALTY COFFEE ..a beautiful love story

He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.. Suddenly he asked the waiter:



"Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."


Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.


She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?


He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there".


While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.


That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.

That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him!


Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.


After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.

I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..


Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".


Her tears made the letter totally wet.


Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.

**********

Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive

Not 2 c but 2 understand

Not 2 hear but 2 listen

Not 2 let go but HOLD ON !!!!

**********

Impact of job change

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my 1st day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.

What Woman Want ????

If you praise her,
She thinks you are telling lies.
If you don’t,
You are good for nothing.

If she talks,
She wants you to listen.
If you listen,
She wants you to talk.

If you try to touch her,
You are not a gentleman.
If you don’t,
You are not a man.

If you agree to all her likes,
You are a wimp.
If you don’t,
You are not understanding.

So simple yet so complex,
So weird yet so beautiful.

Smart Questions for Smart People

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

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Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!

Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first one, OK??

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Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are…?

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Answer: If you answered that you are last, then you are absolutely wrong! You can’t overtake a last person as he is the last person and nobody is behind him!
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You’re not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:

Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only . Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 . Add another 1000 .. Now add 20 .. Now add another 1000 Now add 10 .. What is the total?
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Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it?

Maybe you’ll get the last question right…….Maybe. ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

Fourth Question: Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! name of the fifth daughter?
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Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn’t. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!!

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Okay, now the bonus round: You may have seen this before, not sure!!! A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
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He just has to open his mouth and ask… It’s really very simple…. Like you!

Interesting Facts You Might Be Unaware

1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”

2. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”

3. Almonds are members of the peach family.

4. The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called an octothorpe.

5. The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.

6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.

7. The word “set” has more definitions than any other word in the English language.

8. “Underground” is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters “und.”

9. There are only four words in the English language which end in “-dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosis.

11. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

12. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

13. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.

14. Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy.

15. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

16. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

17. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, “therein”: the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.

18. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

19. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

20. ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.

21. The combination “ough” can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”

22. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

23. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.

24. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

25. The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian phrase “Shah Mat,” which means “the king is dead.”