Monday, October 26, 2009

Sense of Humor 4 de day! AXE effect........

New Delhi. In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.

Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her in front of her after applying all the Axe products.


Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe


No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her

“Where is the Axe effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!” Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.

Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.

“I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai.” Vaibhav expressed his frustration.

Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.

HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn’t possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.

“HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I’d suggest that the company settles this issue out of court.” noted lawyer Ram Jhoothmalani said.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Must read story....

Sanjay, a rich guy, loved fast cars and he did have a few in his possession.
He loved to speed and could not be bothered about breaking speedlimits. Many a times he was

caught by the cops and speed radars, fined, but still he never bothered until.

One day as he was driving at a very high speed as usual, he saw a cop following him. The cop overtook him finally and asked him to stop
and checked his license. He then took out his pad and started writing, and then handed over the sheet of paper to Sanjay.

How much was this one going to cost?!!!

Wait a minute.

What was this????

Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.

Sanjay began to read:

"Dear Sanjay,
Once upon a time I had a lovely daughter. She was six when killed by a car.
You guessed it - a speeding driver's car.A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his three daughters.
I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven, before I can ever hug her again.

A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it
again. Even now. Pray for me.. And be careful, Sanjay, my son is all I have left."

Sanjay turned around in time to see the cop's car pull away and head down the road.
He watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and
hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.

Life is precious. Handle it with care.

Funny how you can send a thousand jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the
sanctity of life, people think twice about sharing. Funny, how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you, for sending it to them.Pass this on, you may save a life. Then maybe not, but we'll never know for sure.

17 signs of falling in love


SEVENTEEN:
U LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE/PICTURE CONSTANTLY



SIXTEEN:
WHEN YOUR ON THE PHONE WITH THEM LATE AT NIGHT AND THEY HANG UP, YOU
STILL MISS THEM EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO MINUTES AGO.



FIFTEEN:
YOU READ THEIR TEXTS or IMS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.



FOURTEEN:
YOU WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN YOU'RE WITH THEM



THIRTEEN:
YOU FEEL SHY WHENEVER YOU'RE/THEY'RE AROUND.



ELEVEN:
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, YOUR HEART BEATS FASTER AND SLOWER AT THE
SAME TIME



TEN:
YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR VOICE.



NINE:
WHEN YOU lOOK AT THEM, YOU CAN'T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All
YOU SEE IS HIM//HER.



EIGHT:
YOU START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS, WHILE THINKING OF THEM



SEVEN:
THEY'RE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.



SIX:
YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM THEIR SCENT.



FIVE:
YOU REALlIZE THAT YOU'RE AlWAYS SMILING TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK
ABOUT THEM.



FOUR:
YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM, OR ANYTHING TO SEE THEM.



THREE:
WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE PERSON ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME...



TWO:
YOU WERE SO BUSY THINKING ABOUT THAT PERSON, YOU DIDN'T NOTICE NUMBER
TWELVE.



ONE:
YOU JUST SCROLLED UP TO CHECK & ARE NOW SILENTLY LAUGHING AT YOURSELF.


NOW MAKE A WiSH. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.......



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******

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IF YOU DIDN'T NOTICE NUMBER 12, POST THIS AS: "17 signs of falling in
LOVE."
*AND SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TONIGHT

An Official Meeting..Awesome..........

An Official Meeting

----------------------------


It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people
from the department had been called. The VP was looking very tensed.
The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey , what is this meeting
about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next
meeting.



We both smiled at each other.



Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people
had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge.

If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP.

The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments.

But complete the work in another 25 days.Take people and complete it man.



And my sweet manager replied "VP-Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't
give me nine wife's and one month. I cannot do anything."



We all looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. I looked
at my manager and thought "what an awesome reply man!"

Worldwide survey

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"


The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn't know what 'food'
meant, In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant, In Europe they
didn't know what 'shortage' meant, In China they didn't know what
'opinion' meant,In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution'
meant, In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant, And
in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.

Flag this message Life after death....

BOSS said to an employee: "Do you believe in life after Death?

EMPLOYEE: "Certainly not! There ' s no proof of it", he replied.

BOSS : "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle ' s funeral, he came here looking for you...

Hillarious

One morning at a doctor’s surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he
was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What
the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was
the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running
late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same
time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
Patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened
to youuuuuu.....?"


"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"