Happy Tears Vs Sad Tears

“There was a study done where a control group of 100 people were divided into two.”

50 people watched a very funny, tears-of laughter type movie. 50 watched a very sad and tears of compassion/tragedy type movie.
At the end of the sessions researchers collected the “happy tears” and the sad tears” with eye droppers.
They found that “happy tears” are made up of brine, Salt water and not a great deal else.
However the “sad tears” were found to contain the very same chemicals and enzymes that are found in tumors, ulcers and other such lumps and bumps and sicknesses through out the body.
This test concluded that the body, when crying in sadness etc is literally flushing out all of the toxic-chemicals that accumulate and are a part of the sadness /heartache experience.

Therefore if one holds back those tears, those toxic-waters will find somewhere else to deposit themselves, and prolonged lack-of-crying- release will guarantee that the body will accumulate a huge amount of internal pollution and toxicity that should have been released through the tears. Is it any wonder that the eyes sting so much when we hold back our tears?

NO WONDER MEN DIE EARLIER THAN WOMEN.
MEN HOLD ON TO THEIR PRIDE WHICH Leads THEM TO EARLY DEATH!!!!

LESSON FROM THE STUDY:

CRY YOUR HEART OUT WHEN YOU ARE SAD, LONELY , ALONE, DEPRESSED.
IT IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH!

INSTALLING HUSBAND....aahahhahahah

INSTALLING HUSBAND
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and Jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0...

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5...0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ ______

Reply

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: IThoughtYouLovedMe.Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1...0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend:  Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

Self Appraisal....awesome

A little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a
store and dialed a number.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:  
   
Boy                : "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
 
Woman         : (at the other end of the phone line) "I already have Someone to cut my lawn."  
Boy                : "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now."  
Woman         : I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently Cutting my lawn.  
Boy                : (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the Floor and the stairs of your house for free.
Woman          : No, thank you.  
 
 With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The Store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.  
 
Store Owner       : "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a  job."  
Boy                       : "No thanks,  
Store Owner       :  But you were really pleading for one.
 
 
 
Can you Guess, what was the boys reply?  
 
Boy                       : No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"  
 
    
This is called         "Self Appraisal"
 

Some male bashing..... (For a change)...

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.


Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...


Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.


Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would
hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....


Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.


Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.


Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business


Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...


Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
intention of driving.


Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!


Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Impact of Job change

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.......u can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back!!

Vacuum cleaner..nice one

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the  First house of the street.
 
 A tall lady answered the door.
 
 Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the  cow droppings onto the carpet.
 
 "Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new
 
 powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
 
 "Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" .asked the lady.
 
 The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
 
 "There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
 
 MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project and Committing to the client...!!!  

Golf Balls....Excellent

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in ?front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. ? He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. ?They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor,  as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'